Talking to Children about Violence

Today America is reeling from the horrific massacre of 26 people in Newtown, Connecticut.  Children are exposed to the ever present media coverage and I am concerned about this exposure.  I imagine many parents are wondering what to tell their children.  Should we be honest and explain the facts frankly or shield them from this inexplicable tragedy?   That depends upon their age.  Anything having to do with children depends upon their developmental readiness.

For very young children aged two to five:

1. Turn off the TV
2. Get out the toys
3. Spend time on the floor playing with your child/children today.  Forget about your TO DO list.
4. They do not need to know about what happened!

For very young children who already know or have heard about what happened:

1.  Turn off the TV
2. Get out the toys
3. Spend time on the floor playing with your child/children today.
4.  Play is the child's most effective coping skill.  Let him or her use it today.
5. Explain to the child that something really awful happened today and some children were hurt.
6. Give the child time to respond.
7. Answer the child's questions with very short, simple words and a kind look on your face and using a gentle voice.  Then Listen.
8. Answer any other questions that come up as best you can.
9.  Let the child play today with toys that foster the imagination like animals and people figures, fighting figures if you allow those in your home, houses and dress up clothes, babies and blankets, clay or play dough, blocks, cars and trucks, police men perhaps.  See what the child wants  to play out.  It is the best coping skill your child has.
10.  This is a time to stay close to home, promote increased security by keeping routines the same and decrease anxiety by offering yourself, your time and your energy to just "be with" your child now.